Coming Round the Mountain Lyrics Funny
"Coming 'round the mountain" is a song that has strong childhood implications for me. It brings forth memories of innocence and wonder. I've sang it with my child and many other children who are not mine (that I know of) in moments of celebration and merriment.
Only until recently, after a heartfelt conversation I had with my chaste wife, have I realized that this song holds a deeper meaning. A meaning that other parents should definitely take heed of. I don't mean to cause alarm, but holy fart stars is this song filthy.
(In response to THIS, THIS and THIS).
Preface
The song is a euphemistic dynamo of sexual subversiveness and depravity. Rumour has it that the song supposedly references the second coming of Jesus, but after a little digging and some journalistic gumption, I've realized that it's not about God's kid at all. It's about a woman and her odyssey of 'doing it' for personal hedonistic gratification.
The lyrics
1: She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes
She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes
She'll be coming 'round the mountain, she'll be coming 'round the mountain
She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes.
2: She'll be driving six white horses when she comes
She'll be driving six white horses when she comes
She'll be driving six white horses, she'll be driving six white horses
She'll be driving six white horses when she comes.
3: We'll all go out to meet her when she comes
We'll all go out to meet her when she comes
We'll all go out to meet her, we'll all go out to meet her
We'll all go out to meet her when she comes.
4: She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes
She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes
She will have to sleep with Grandma, she will have to sleep with Grandma,
She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes.
5: We'll kill the old red rooster when she comes
We will kill the big red rooster when she comes
We'll kill the big red rooster, we will kill the big red rooster
We'll kill the big red rooster when she comes.
6: She will bring us to the portals when she comes
She will bring us to the portals when she comes
She will bring us to the portals, she will bring us to the portals
She will bring us to the portals when she comes .
7: We will all have chicken and dumplings when she comes.
We will all have chicken and dumplings when she comes.
We will all have chicken and dumplings, we'll all have chicken and dumplings.
We will all have chicken and dumplings when she comes.
What the lyrics mean
1: "She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes"
A bit redundant for shock value no doubt. She'll be orgasming around the mountain when she orgasms? Get ahold of yourself (not literally).
2: "She'll be driving six white horses when she comes"
My friend's older sister had a personal gratification device called "Six white horses". It took a lot of batteries and sounded like a leaf blower. I think of her fondly for some reason.
3: "We'll all go out to meet her when she comes"
A group of people, joining together, to watch someone gratuitously 'happen'? Sick, dirty and tickets are way too over-priced.
4: "She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes"
This one writes itself.
5: "We'll kill the old red rooster when she comes"
This is a reference to the post coital masculine reticence. Also acceptable are 'flogging the dolphin', 'burping the worm' or 'watching the sneezed weasel wither'. What was once mighty, is now slumbering in the barnyard.
6: "She will bring us to the portals when she comes"
This has one of two meanings. When I was growing up, The Portals was an establishment for adult males to find gratification with the exchanging of funds or wares. With that said, the portals could also just be another word for climaxing. As in, "I'm about to portal" or "I portaled so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye" or "I portaled 'round the mountain".
7: "We will all have chicken and dumplings when she comes"
As everyone knows, 'chicken and dumplings' is a non-specific form of sexual gratification. I could mean second base. It could mean third. It could mean the ol' how do you do. It could also mean tongue bathing the Sarlacc. It is such a filthy reference that you should just forget I said anything and wash your eyes.
Conclusion
Your children are in danger! Being taught a safe version of the most fundamental of human interactions is unhealthy and frightening. This song is a perfect example of the subversive lengths that teachers and educators will go to in hopes of manipulating your child in to doing sex. Needless to say, I've already called my ombudsman about getting this song banned in not only my city, but my mind.
Where is Kirk Cameron when you need him?
Source: https://theundad.com/2015/09/17/coming-round-the-mountain-is-a-filthy-song/
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